I broke the cardinal rule.

Guys. I fucked up. 

Bad.

I broke the number one rule. 

Maybe not in the order that I wrote them, but the most important rule of any non-realistic relationship. 

I caught feels. Big time.

So. Since I went to Texas, I’ve been chatting with a guy I met there through mutual friends. He was incredibly sexy, but I was way too shy to make a move. At one point he was in the bathroom with me (Texas showers are confusing, okay?) And we were talking, and guys the sexual tension was out of this world. I have never wanted to kiss someone so badly. Which says a lot considering I hate kissing. Anyway, there was no kiss. And we spent another night together but I left without any Texas BBQ if you know what I mean. 

So fast forward three months. We talk daily. And he makes me so happy. And he recently went to visit family close to the border and I begged him to sneak away for the day so we could hang out. And he did. 

I’m not joking when I say it was the best date I’ve ever been on. It’s been a week and I still can’t stop smiling about him and our day. I still think about how his hand felt in mine. How he twirled me around in the casino. How he joked about us spending our life savings on slot machines. Our first kiss, soft and slow, and how as the day progressed they got deeper, more passionate, as if trying to turn one kiss into a million. 

Guys. I fucking cried when I left. Me. The one who claims she doesn’t feel anything. 

I caught the feels bad.